Whether or not you’ve tried it, threesomes have definitely crossed most people’s minds at one point or another.
If you’re single or are in a casual relationship, threesomes are less complicated. For those committed long-term, they can be a little trickier. Opinions vary, but at the end of the day, every couple is different. Results from a threesome range from ending relationships to making them stronger than ever.
No matter what your situation, there are some general guidelines to follow in order to avoid any pitfalls. A few ground rules can make sure it’s a fulfilling experience for both you and your partner.
Think About Why
It can’t be stated enough, as with most things, that engaging in a threesome can be a gamble. There are potential downsides that go along with the positives. For long-term couples, there are alternatives to spice things up in the bedroom that don’t require a third-party.
That being said, never confuse that sentiment with thinking threesomes are taboo. If you’re in a healthy relationship and are just looking to experiment, you should be excited to do so! On the other hand, if you’re not comfortable with the notion, that is absolutely normal!
A threesome is best when it comes from a place of genuine intrigue and not because your relationship is in a rut. You’ve experimented with sex toys, positions, and more. You can find her G-Spot blindfolded. Now you want to try something entirely new.
Make sure your partner is 100% on board for this new adventure too. Start slow. Talk about each other’s threesome fantasies or explore other fantasies together first. Always be honest about your comfort level and encourage your partner to express their concerns, if they have any.
Who’s On Third?
Even the most confident people in the world can feel insecure. Suggesting a third that either of you know can be a recipe for disaster. This tends to apply more to women, but men can be just as vulnerable. At the end of the day, a third that neither of you know is usually the safest.
When it comes to finding a stranger, you might have luck scoping out your favourite bar or club. However, there are apps like Thrinder, making things much easier, seeing as everyone on there is looking for the same thing.
When you do find a third, be sure to meet beforehand. You can gauge chemistry and ensure they match their profile. Always be comfortable getting to know the person a bit before inviting them into your home.
As always, be honest. Whether it’s your first time, you have some requests, or you’ve changed your mind. Things go smoother when you involve the third person in the process, not just the end game.
The S Word
Expanding further on being honest, you should always discuss exactly what you’re comfortable with before engaging in a threesome.
Some couples have a no penetration rule, others want to avoid going down on a third party. If so, sex toys can be a fantastic way to make sure everyone is being satisfied while respecting boundaries. Remember, you’re experimenting. It’s okay to not push too hard and take things slow. Always discuss these rules with the person joining you as well.
Whatever your personal plan is, it’s also important to discuss a safe word. Choose a word that wouldn’t be out of place in the situation. Something either partner can say without tipping off that they are uncomfortable. Nobody wants to take all the heat in ending a good time. With a safe word, you can better control the flow of the threesome and possibly avoid calling it quits early.
Safety in the bedroom also means asking the person joining you to take an STD test. You can take it a step further and get a pair of STD checks yourself. That way, everyone involved is as comfortable as possible moving forward.
It’s Time To Have Fun
With all things considered and a plan in place, now’s the time to enjoy the fruits of your labour!
If you’ve established one beforehand, follow the leader! Whether it’s someone who’s done it before or maybe just the most confident person. If the women outnumber the men, it can also be a good idea to let them become acquainted first. Allow them to get comfortable and pull the man in, once they’re ready.
News flash: If you’re a selfish lover, threesomes aren’t going to go well for you. As with any sexual encounter, you need to be as giving as possible. Don’t worry though, while it might seem like double the work (I have to find TWO G-Spots now!?), you’ve got 20 fingers and two tongues to work with! You shouldn’t focus on a single partner, but don’t feel pressured to perfectly pleasure each one simultaneously. You’ve got help, and after all, it’s supposed to be fun!
Finally, when you’re nearing the end, it’s always a good idea to finish with your partner. In the heat of the moment, things happen, but try to make sure your partner knows they’re the star of the show.
That Was Amazing! (Now What?)
Listen, no one wants to be shown the door the moment post nut clarity sets in. Everyone should take a moment to gain their composure, but having the third party stick around for too long isn’t a great idea (this is definitely something to discuss beforehand).
When they leave, take time to talk about the experience with your partner. Focus on how they made you feel and how important they are to you. Listen to how it went for them. This might be a one and done scenario, or you might start eagerly planning the next one. Either way, make sure you’re on the same page.
If you took the time to be careful and set boundaries, a threesome can be an exciting experience for everyone. Even if you decide to only try it once.
